Should've been born Irken: 5

Warning: There will be weirdness, crack, and yaoi. Oc's will be inserted as needed but NONE will be Mary-Sue-ish. On with the recap.

Dib sighed and rolled Zim over, hugging him to his chest. "There's nothing wrong with that. You're fine just the way you are. When we get back at the Tallest they'll be sorry that they didn't appreciate you." He twirled a lekku around his finger. "Everything will be fine. Just rest, you need it." Dib hugged him close, not knowing what else to do. He was regretting what he said earlier but he hadn't meant any harm. "I know you're thinking you're a failure but you aren't. You're perfect, alright?"
Zim whimpered, then let a small purr loose that shook his body. He heard the words of kindness, and he wanted to believe them. But, he just couldn't. Zim nodded anyway and rested his head against Dib's chest, eyes staring, heavy lidded at that stupid insignia. Slowly, his body shut down and his Pak made a soft metallic whirl that sent him into sleep mode. His eyes fell shut and his breathing was even. The Irken wouldn't awaken for hours to come and until them he would be absolutely impossible to rise, unless danger came too close.
Dib sighed and kept twirling Zim's antennae idly as if it might help him sleep or have good dreams. He didn't even know if Irkens had dreams. He frowned; there was so much he didn't know. Dib made a mental note to ask when Zim woke up and curled up against him to get more comfortable. Zim's Pak had made some noises so Zim probably wouldn't be awake for awhile so he decided to take a short nap and he'd check on Zim once in awhile. It was the least he could do. He glared at the wall and also decided he was going to repaint over the mark, and the entire wall, maybe a nice shade of blue. Dib yawned and fell asleep.






Zim wasn't supposed to dream. Irkens didn't dream, it wasn't possible. But, then again he was a Defect. It wasn't a good dream but, not a nightmare either. Just weirdness. People laughing at him maliciously mixed with the wonderful, happy sound of Dib's chuckles. Being kicked around and beaten to pieces and then Dib was there to help him up and brush him off. Zim couldn't awaken so there was no stopping the visions. He thrashed about in the pink bed, then calmed, then thrashed all over again.
Dib whined in his sleep and eventually woke up from all of Zim's moving around. He really thought Zim was just in a 'sleep mode' from how the Pak reacted earlier but it looked like he was dreaming from all of the thrashing around. The boy sighed and nudged Zim slightly since from what he could tell it wasn't a good dream. "Rise and shine sleepy head."
Zim didn't wake up, instead sweat beaded on his forehead and he whimpered. Then at once his face smoothed over and a small grin appeared for a few seconds before he was growling and trying to bite at anything close to him.
"You have mood swings even in your sleep? Great..." He sighed sarcastically. Dib took his glasses off because he was getting a headache from sleeping with them on.  He nudged Zim with his foot so he wouldn't get bitten.
Then Zim went still. For all of two minutes before he let out a large snore, and cuddling up to Dib's chest.
Dib gave up trying to wake him up. If he left Zim alone he'd wake up eventually anyway. He stretched and put his glasses next to him so they wouldn't get broken.
Zim slept for another hour and a half before his Pak made whirling noises signaling the cycle had ended. With a final beep, Zim's magenta eyes shot open.
Dib had been resting with his eyes closed for awhile since he couldn't move with Zim practically laying on him. He opened an eye and looked down at Zim when he heard the noises start up.
Zim was alert, looking around trying to remember his surroundings. He remembered the walls and the bed. Then the Dib. Zim looked up at him and glared. "I fell asleep in front of you.  Zim is angry that you let him do such a thing."
Dib sighed at the glare. "Can you ever just be happy to see me?" He shrugged, knowing that was a stupid question. "Something else would make you angrier if you found out."
Zim narrowed his eyes. "Can't you ever just speak like a normal person? Zim does not understand half the things you say." He said superiorly, lying on his elbows.
Dib smiled. "If I stopped speaking in riddles would you be happy to see me?" He teased and poked Zim's forehead. "By the way how was your dream? Seemed like a lot was going on."
Zim thought for a moment. "If you spoke with no riddles the world would really be doomed. But, yes Zim would be slightly less disgusted to see you." He tried to bite the finger, annoyed at the pale flesh. "Don't poke me. I'll eat your finger. And my 'dream' as you humans call it, is none of anyone's business."
"I could stop if I wanted to." He offered. "It'd be worth it if you were forced to be happy around me." Dib rolled his eyes. "You already tried to bite me earlier so stop that. I already know the basics of what happened just by your actions. You were quite vocal by the way."
Zim narrowed his eyes. "Was not." He hissed; eager to get away from the subject. "And how would Dib sound without talking nonsense?" He tapped his chin. "I think it would be scary. In fact Zim thinks that you wouldn't be able to do it." He said, challenge in his voice.
Dib grinned. "Fine. If I can do it you have to tell me about your dream and be nicer, if that's even possible for you." He stretched lazily. "What do you define as nonsense? Because in my opinion a lot of what you say is more nonsense than what I say."
Zim snorted, which was really weird because he had no nose. "Fine if you don't do it then I'll speak of my dreams." He glared at Dib. "You LIIIIE stink-beast! I talk only pure truth. You talk words of things that Zim never understands and tires to decode only to fail. Obviously, you need to have more respect for your superior." Zim smiled pointing to himself.
That caused Dib to burst out laughing. "Superior? When have you ever beaten me?" He tried to stop laughing but couldn't so spoke in-between his bouts of laughter. "And in your race your height makes you superior so I'd be your superior." Dib patted Zim's head. "I know you hate to lose but it's just the truth." He smiled. "I'll be more blunt from now on then, just for my short little Zim."
Zim growled and tackled the human, straddling his chest, chin high. He held Dib's fat head down with his claw. "Now, who's smaller, huh? Huh? Huh? I am ZIIIIM! I am Irken and therefore better than you will ever be." He sniffed, indignantly. "Call me short again and I'll make you walk on your knees from now on. I merely tolerate your tallness because it amuses me."
Dib yelped as he was tackled but he didn't stop laughing. The whole situation was funny and Zim's drama queen act made it worse. "It doesn't amuse you at all. You hate me being taller and I love it." Dib grabbed Zim's hand and removed it from his head before rolling over Zim and pinning him down so he couldn't escape. "You're short." He drew out the statement to piss him off more and he had a grin.
Zim shrieked at the rough treatment, trying to get away. "I am not! Zim is...is not short! BE QUIET AND CEASE YOUR LAUGHING AT THE ALMIGHTY ZIM!" He tried to dig his claws into the human's arms.
Dib grabbed Zim's hands and intertwined them with his so he couldn't do any damage with his claws anymore. "Go ahead, admit it shorty."
"NEVEEEER! I would rather die in a fiery pit filled to the brim with Higgel saliva and rotting human filth!" Zim squeaked and when he realized his hands weren't working resorted to teeth, which he knew Dib hated. He lunged up and tried to snap at the soft neck in front of him. The Dib had given him full access after all.
"Well that wasn't an option now was it? You don't have to be so shy." He teased and winced when Zim bit him. Dib could feel the warm blood run down and just picturing Zim's teeth didn't help. "That wasn't necessary..." He whined and realized that he might have a plan to keep Zim from using his teeth against him. "Unless it's just a love bite. You do have weird ways of showing affection."
"LURVE BITE?! Haha! I win! You're speaking of things Zim knows nothing of. It's official, Zim wins!" he chuckled delightedly. Zim didn't stop his long tongue from darting out and catching a spicy drop of blood on the serrated edge.
"You said I couldn't speak nonsense. It isn't nonsense when I explain it. It's self explanatory actually. It just means you hurt me cause you loveeee me." Dib blushed at the contact and leaned up so Zim couldn't reach his neck anymore.
Zim narrowed his eyes thinking. "What sort of dookie is this? It makes no sense. Zim hurts you because it's fascinating to see you bleed." He watched Dib try to move his neck away, and Zim grinned evilly. "Afraid of my teeth, Diblet?" He asked.
"I think I've bled enough for your enjoyment. And that would get boring eventually since it never changes. Plus we're not enemies anymore so that isn't the reason." Dib whined. "I'm not afraid of your stupid creepy demon teeth. I'd just prefer to not bleed to death. Necks are sensitive if you haven't noticed." He frowned when the shoulder of his jacket was getting soaked.
Zim watched the blood spread and soak the fabric. "So? Just because we aren't enemies doesn't mean that I don't like the sight." Zim tried once again to free his hands. "Let me up. You need to patch yourself up and if you don't let me go then I'll just bite you again since you seem to like it."
"Oh great. I'm living under the roof of a Sadist." Dib frowned and got off of him. "I don't like you biting me at all..." He looked down nervously. "And I don't need your help." Dib put a hand on his neck to try to stop the bleeding.
Zim watched the pathetic attempt at staunching the blood. "Somehow, I don't believe you. Come. I can heal it." He jumped out of bed and smoothed out his uniform before walking to the door.
"Well maybe you should." He mumbled before standing up. Dib groped around on the bed until he found his glasses and put them back on with a sigh of relief. Vision was good. "I said I don't need your help." He frowned but followed him to the door anyway.
"Then how do you plan to fix your neck without bandages or healing medication? Hmm?" Zim said, walking down the hallway towards the elevator.
Dib's grip on his neck tightened subconsciously and he bit his lip to stop a wince. "I don't know...I still don't need your help." He followed slowly behind him.
Zim whirled and placed his claw against the human's lips. "Shhh. I can fix you so, stop being stubborn." he turned back around and stepped in the elevator. "Come on. In my lab Zim has stuff that will heal you in no time."
Dib jumped back and flailed to get Zim's hand away. The action exerted more energy than he thought and he lost balance, thankfully the wall was close enough to catch him. "I can be stubborn all I want..." He walked into the elevator after him.
"Whatever Dib-Thing. Lie all you like." Zim stated, tapping the heel of his boot against the metal floor, making a very annoying clicking sound.
Dib would have put his hands over his ears but didn't want to let go of his neck so whined. "Could you please stop that?"
Zim sighed. Almost tempted to keep doing it just to annoy the boy, but conceded and stopped just as they reached the bottom. He stepped into the lab and walked to a medical table.
Dib walked out of the elevator but didn't follow him to the medical table. He said he didn't need any help and he didn't want it because Zim would think he could do whatever he wanted all the time. Just because you can fix something you break doesn't mean you should keep breaking it.
Zim pulled out a little jar of orange goo, and placed a small drop on his finger. He looked up and narrowed his eyes when he saw Dib hadn't moved from the outside of the elevator. "Come to Zim. He'll fix you faster than any Band-Aid."
Dib shook his head. He was considering just going upstairs to be with Gir. At least the robot wouldn't try to smack or bite him every two seconds.
Zim sneered holding the goo out. "You afraid?" he snarled.
Dib frowned and walked back into the elevator, hitting the button to the house level without bothering to respond.
Zim glared as he watched the boy go.  Fine he wanted to do it that way then. Whatever. Zim didn't care. The boy would just get in his way. Zim had many things to do to...prepare.
Dib sat on the couch when the elevator let him out and laid down, not caring if his blood germs infected Zim's stupid couch. He really wanted to just go home but he doubted that would be any safer for him.
Zim focused on his project, hoping it worked. The way his experiments went it was a 50/50 thing. His thoughts occasionally strayed to the boy whom was sitting on HIS couch, still furtively trying to staunch the bleeding. It should've healed by now. His human was fragile. Zim looked through a microscope at a new chemical. Then he stilled, head lifting up at he ran back through his mental musings. His human. What the Irk? When had that happened? Oh well. Zim shrugged mentally agreeing that it would never happen again.  Hmm...if his plan worked...which why wouldn't it, then all their problems would be solved.
Dib got bored lying around and couldn't force himself to fall asleep. He turned the TV on a few times but it was just boring news stuff like always. Using his good side to sit up again he stood up and looked back at the elevator. He could have bled to death by now and obviously Zim was too busy doing whatever Zim's did in their free time. Dib shook his head, of course he didn't care what Zim did...he'd just go home, it's not like he had to stay anyway. So with that thought in mind Dib went back to his house.
Zim watched the human leave on the computer's monitor with clenched fists. Stoopid human. He had wasted a whole hour trying to convince the stupid dirt child to not leave to his death. Why? Zim didn't know. He was always annoying and pitiful. The earth really wouldn't miss him. He tore his eyes from the screen and looked at the new, more comfortable contacts the human had made him. Zim narrowed his red eyes at them. He picked up the right one and at that moment he wanted to crush it in his fist. Instead he set it gently down on the table.
Gir peaked his head over to see what Zim was up to. "Dawwww... He gots you a birthday present!" He giggled and jumped in Zim's lap, holding the contacts over his blue eyes. "Is he comin' back soon to play house? I wanna be the baby and you can be the mommy!"
Zim grumbled, lost in thought. "What would he be?"
"He'd be the daddy of course!" Gir set the contacts down, surprisingly with care, and pulled Zim's cheeks up into a smile.
Zim growled and smacked the robots hands away. "He would so not be the daddy! Zim is much more male that he is!"
Gir giggled. "But he's better at it. Plus he gives me cool stuff to play with when he comes over." He whined before smiling and extended his arms widely. "Daddy loves me this much!"
"Then go be with daddy, then! Get out of my base!" Zim hissed and shoved the robot away. "Go, be with him!"
Gir pouted. "Mommy gets mad when Daddy isn't around."
Zim picked up the robot and chucked it across the room. "OUT! I am not your mommy and he isn't the daddy! He's a dumb, idiotic, asshole that is worthless and a complete waste of anyone's time!"
Gir looked down. "Fine... We'll go play piggies and you'll be all by yourself!" He ran out crying dramatically.
Zim looked away. "I like it by myself." He whispered, returning to work.
Dib wrapped his neck up with some bandages before Gir came over.
"BIG HEADED BOYYYYY!" Gir screamed jumping through Dib's window and landing on Dib's big head, smiling with tears still running down his face.
Dib winced since it moved his neck. "Gir...My head is off-limits for awhile..." He picked Gir up and set him on the floor. "Did he make you cry again?"
Gir snuggled the human's leg for a moment before catching sight of Dib's moon rock collection and investigating. With his mouth. "YESH! But, he didn't mean it. I think. ROCKS ARE YUMMEH!"
Dib sighed and had to remember to not shake his head. "You can just stay here for awhile if you want. Just don't bug Gaz when she gets home. She almost destroyed you last time."
Gir nodded, and shoved a whole rock in his mouth. It clunked on the way down. Gir just giggled and started jumping on Dib's bed. "Your my daddy and mah mastahs my mommy!
Dib smiled a bit. "Why am I the dad? If you told Zim he's the girl he'd throw you around probably."
Gir giggled, spinning in midair. "I told him he was. He gotted REAL mad! Said to go play with you! SO I BE HERE WITH YOOOOOOOU!!!"
Dib sat down on the bed and picked Gir up mid jump. "Doesn't it bother you that he gets angry at you all the time?"
Gir leaned against Dib's chest and sucked his thumb. "He's not mad. Mastahs a broken. LIKE MEH!" He giggled.
"As stupid as you act you're surprisingly observant." Dib patted his head.
Gir suddenly screeched and licked Dib's hand. "I'M A PUPPPPPPY!"
"What did I tell you last time about screaming..." Dib whined.
Gir thought for a moment. "That it's good?"
"No. Screaming is bad. Very bad."
"Oh." Gir said, uncomprehendingly. His tongue stuck out from his mouth and he sat down. "I wanna eat some ice cream and have a tea party."
"There's ice cream in the freezer I think. Go get it if you wanna." Dib lay down.
Gir gasped and zoomed away. The sounds of giggling and happy screeching, not to mention the loud banging, could be heard from the kitchen down stairs.
Dib shrugged, not caring if Gir made a mess like he always did. The only person that would be home soon is Gaz and he could care less if she got mad about anything for the moment. "Get me some too Gir!"
"OKAY! YOU WANT NUTS AND BANNANS AND CHERRIES AND CREAM AND TOADS ON EHT TOO?!"
"NO! Just the ice cream!"
Gir screamed, "OKAY!!!!" He ran back upstairs and handed Dib, thankfully just a bowl of chocolate ice cream. Gir was already consuming his, bouncing up and down happily.
"Thanks." Dib sat up and ate his at a normal pace.
Zim glared at the chemical mixture that continued to give him trouble. It was unstable and dangerous. He usually liked both of the following but, in this case he didn't plan on taking any chances. He didn't know but, the lab usually his sanctuary from this hideous planet was too quiet and...empty. He hated it when he should've been lavishing in the quiet. Maybe the Earth air was slowly poisoning him. It would explain a lot about his recent actions.
Dib was back in a happy, and almost hyper, mood with Gir around. And the ice cream helped of course. He decided to say hi to Zim and piss him off at the same time. Getting off the bed he picked Gir up and sat down at his computer with Gir in his lap. "We're going to say hi to Zim." He smiled and opened up a video feed with Zim's computer. "Hey~~! You miss us yet? I bet you're all lonely."
Zim gasped and turned around dropping the chemical. It splattered everywhere. He hissed as it began burning his skin. "Son of a Vortian, that hurts!" he screeched. The stoopid fluid began melting everything it touched. "Look what you did!" He shouted. "That chemical in dangerously unstable. Now I have to fucking clean it up." he glared at the screen. The sight of Dib and Gir together made him angry. "Look, Dib-Human, I'm trying to save both our asses from the Tallest!" he said, gesturing to the now spilt liquid, bubbling on his skin. "Have fun with GIR!" he bit out. "He's been trying to find a nice playmate. You two fit well."
Dib smiled. "Aww did you get hurt? I'd say sorry but I'm not." He couldn't help but laugh, karma came at the best times. "Maybe if you would be easier to work with your fail rate wouldn't be so high since I'd be helping." Dib hugged Gir close to him. "It's not my fault that he likes me better than you 'mommy'." Dib grinned.
Zim growled, "Fuck you. I bit you once and now you're being a dick. I don't see how Zim is the enemy here. I offered to fix you. You denied it and ran crying home."
"I didn't run home crying. I'm just sick of you acting like this if we're supposed to be on the same team." Dib frowned. "Too bad you don't remember when you were dying because you were pretty amazing."
"I wasn't me when I was dying! I was only a small fucking part of a whole. This is who Zim is. I'm violent, angry and a DEFECT!" he panted, rage in his eyes. "If we weren't on the same team I would still be trying to kill you. To take over your planet. But, I'm not." He whispered. "I'm not."
"I could say otherwise. I think that was the real you. I was proud of you for what you did." Dib sighed. "You know if you saw a psychologist they'd say your anger and violence is a cover-up for something." He set Gir down and leaned closer to the screen. "By all means if you want me out of your way so much then come over here and kill me."
Zim growled. "You fool! I just said I was trying to NOT kill you. It means that we are 'equals'," He rolled his eyes at such dookie. "And it's no cover-up. Zim has been this way his whole life."
"Trying doesn't mean that you don't still want to. And if you considered me an equal I'd be helping with whatever that chemical is." Dib rolled his eyes. "And you've been ignored and hated since you were young so no duh you've always been that way. You're just in denial."
Zim sighed. "And you're just annoying." He crossed his arms and stared at the human child, who wasn't much of a child any more. "The chemical which is now destroyed," he glared at the mess. "was designed to cut through the thickest of metal. As you can see." He pointed, at the big hole in the floor of his base. "I would've asked you for help but, when I tried to patch you up you left. You could've been down here helping."
"I shouldn't need to be patched up in the first place. You act like I'm your pet or something. There's only so many times I'll go back to you, eventually I'll get smart enough to stop." Dib crossed his arms as well and rubbed at his neck.
Zim scoffed. "You make us sound like a couple, Dib-Thing. A really whiney, dysfunctional one at that. And YOU are the female."
Dib grinned. "Oh really? Does that make you happy to think about kissing me?" He laughed. "You don't even know what couples do."
Zim stared, crossing his arms nonchalantly. "Oh, I don't? And just how do you know that I don't have more experience than you?"
"Because unless the Tallest gave you special lessons after class I doubt any other Irken would do anything with you. Or human for that matter."
Zim just smirked, not insulted in the least. "Even if they were just small little encounters as smeets...I bet I still have way more experience than you do. Virgin Dib."
Dib's eye twitched. "I don't know what disturbs me more...the fact that you know what that means or the fact that you said it towards me. And you don't know that at all. I have plenty of experience."
Zim raised an 'eyebrow'. "Oh do you now?" Zim quickly popped in the disc where Dib told the Tallest all about his experiences. "Somehow I don't believe you."
"Why would I tell a rapist alien about my sex life?!" Dib groaned. "I'm not having this conversation with you..."
Zim nodded, and grinned victoriously. "Suit yourself."
"I'm so going to kill you for this... Stop acting like you've won something..."
Zim smiled." But, I have. Knowledge. The best kind of prize. So Dib. Are you going to help me or not?"
"You seriously expect my help after what you just said? You're stupider than I thought."
Zim shrugged. "Ah well. I just assumed that you wished to help from all you're whining about me not asking for it earlier. Zim is disappointed."
Dib glared. "Are you trying to make me hate you? Because it's the only plan that's ever worked."
Zim stretched. "No Dib. Would you want me to be polite? Play nice? Coddle you and snuggle like we did last night?" He stared unblinkingly. "I don't want your hate. I don't need it. I just don't want you to expect me to be anything I'm not."
Dib's eyes narrowed, a glimmer of that old hatred coming back into his eyes. "You know what, fine. Have fun with your chemicals." He cut the connection.
Zim sighed. What the hell was wrong with the Dib? He just didn't get it. Hormones, he guessed.
Dib sighed. "Gir you should go home."
Gir sniffled and nodded, hugging the boy's leg. "Dibbbbb...don't hate us. We alls just broken some." He commented. "Even youse." He whispered, with big blue eyes.
"Don't cry... I feel bad enough already. And I know I'm broken, I have been." Dib picked Gir up and hugged him.
Gir hugged back. "I wuv you." he said, smashing Dib's cheeks together.
Dib was forced to smile. "Wuv you too."
With that Gir jumped out the window and squealed, jumping for joy all the way back to his master's base.
Dib rolled his eyes. "If only life could be as simple as he sees it."
"If only." Said a deep, familiar voice.